พัฒนาตนเอง Sep 24

Sep 30

• I feel like my convergence insufficiency is relapsing, I tried doing vision therapy again which make my reading better.

  • However, there is suspection of Parkinson's diseases, because I have problem about difficulty of talking, but not writing, and my hands usually trimble when I stay still and I noticed that I usually rub my forefinger with thumb like rolling a pill which is one of the early sign of this diseases. I also have persistent convergence insufficiency which is one sign of motor control problem. Also, I lack of facial expression and my voice is tend to be slow monotone and lack of emotion.

• By huge loss from trading I realized that I am not genious or smart, I just a poor idiot gambler. 

• My eye muscle problem comes back. I have to continue my vision therapy again.

• I think I will quit trading and return to do my job or anything that make money and real benefit to people.
  • trading has less profit and waste too much energy, if I use my precious talented brain for doing real things for this world esp. any difficult or complex work, there will be a lot of innovation created instead of just producing Carbondioxide waste day after day. 
  • however, trading with trend following is do able as part time job for increase wealth, because of its simplicity and it doesn't require any brain power. But be caution that risk management is always necessary. 

Sep 29

• I have to rewire my brain and my habits to be more curious to learn any new things and read book in free time instead of spend time do nothing or only watching chart for trade

• I feel like watching videos about suffering of people, esp. sickness, give me more understanding of suffering of people and give me more compassion for the other and not to be selfish. Also, I may have to meet with it myself in some day. I shouldn't just enjoy mylife and not make anything benefit to other people. 

Sep 28

• Today, I tried changing back to do combination of alternate day fasting and HIIT again, after I found that doing Time restricted fasting for 3-4 day decrease my brain sharpness, my activeness and fastness of thinking.

  • It is because all day fasting causes an artiificial stress to my body and induces it to improve itself such as muscle power, brain sharpness, ability to learn new things(neuroplasticity), but for TRF, it doesn't cause much or enough stress to the body to improve itself. 

• I hope today I will not just sit around and don't read anything. I hope I will be able to continue my beloved studying. 

Sep 27

• Today is the day two that I can't read well I am not sure why coffee didn't help. I think there is something about not sleeping enough, causing my brain unable to compensate to the stress that occur from inadequate resting if I have a coffee.

• I also found that my lacking of motivation has relationship with flicking light environment, after I tried changing place to the non flickering light env. it is so much a lot better.

• I also drank too much coffee which causes adverse effect on my focus.

Sep 26

• I found that reading on the e-reader give me more immersiveness and deeper understanding than on a tablet display.

  • However, the quiet environment is still necessary even after having a coffee to improve focus in that day.

Sep 25

• I feel like my muscle power is decreasing after I've changed to Time restricted fasting; however, if I do alternate day fasting, I will feel very uncomfortable from eating so much in a day. What should I do?

  • however, my decreasing of power may come from doing various exercises which make the body having to seperate the nutrient to many parts of muscle in the body instead of concentrating on one muscle. 

• I found that reading in the quiet environment help me focusing so much in contrast to the lound and noisy environment 

• I think I have already improved myself a bit because I just realize of my stupidity/how foolish I am.

• Ground coffee didn't help

  • Today I found that I can't focus on reading even for a short period of time in all day, though I eat a one shot of ground coffee in the morning.

    • this means that my intestine can't extract caffeine from the ground coffee.

  • So I tried drinking one shot of coffee in evening, then, not for a long time after that, I can focus perfectly on my reading again.  

Sep 24

• I found that calmness and peacefulness from doing meditation is different from be able to focus from drinking coffee, even I can focus by drinking coffee, but if I forgot to do meditation, there will be a lot of tiredness in my mind.

  • so meditation is always necessary for everyone.

• eating ground coffee bean directly may require fine grinding to allow the digestion and absorption faster. (I use to eat coarsely ground coffee 1.2mm which result in kicking in the evening, but if I grind it finer 0.8mm it will start kick in at noon.)

Sep 23

• Today, I did HIIT in the morning, I still got problem about insufficient energy for exercise. I can run so much less even I eat the same amount as when I do alternate day fasting(6 meals in 2 days.)

  • I assume that if is because TRF allow me to use most energy for studying, but for alternate day fasting, I make me hugely burn most of my energy within one HIIT, and have less energy for studying.

    • If I want to confirm this assumption, just try doing alternate day fasting again.

Sep 22

I can read books all day for 4 day continuously after I start drink coffee one cup of coffee every day. However, I also changed from doing alternate day fasting to Time restricted fasting(TRF). 

The problem is that I can't do meditation anymore if I haven't a coffee yet. And after doing TRF, I feel like my muscle power and exercise energy decreased causing my performance drop. The important is that muscle power is one indicator that I use as my body health, if it dropped after changing fasting method, it may mean that the fasting method may be not better than the method I did before.

I am considering changing of the fasting method back to alternate day fasting.

I found that I can read physicphysiphysics book with full concentrate and enjoyenjoy it so .

Sep 21

Today, I tried having a coffee before doing meditation and found that I can doing it better(more focus, calm and peaceful). It implied that my focus now mostly depend or rely on caffeine.

I also found that HIIT make my brain sharper and be able to think faster, even though I haven't done a prolong fasting(only TRF), I think this method (TRF with HIIT) is better than Alternate-day fasting with HIIT because eating to much in just one day is not good and conversely bad for metabolic health.

Sep 20th

• I found that after I've changed from alternate day fasting to Time restricted fasting(usually IF 20/4) and drinking coffee for the sake of my richful studying productivities(still do HIIT day another day)
  • I can read productively after drinking one cup of coffee(around 175mg of caffeine)
  • My meditation is worse, it doesn't give me peacefulness and focus anymore. I am not sure whether it was caused by shortened fasting duration(less BDNF) or relying on caffeine effect.
    • I should investigate by
      • drinking coffee before doing meditation
      • doing afternate day fasting again.
• Reading the great textbook from the great professors or experts inspires me a lot, these academic textbooks contain a lot of real world application examples which make the readers understand the important of those knowledge and make learning more meaningful, even mathematic eg. logarithm can explain the sound decibel or light intensity that decrease as logarithmic rate as the further distance

Sep 19th

• Today, I tried eating coffee bean directly(around 15 beans). However, I found that my unfocus thinking was still prevailing, so I had a cup of coffee more, and its result became much better.
  • It might be because the coffee is arabica which has less caffeine than robusta and the bean is in small size than the regular, resulting in less caffeine.

Sep 18th

• The real problem is lacking of dopamine from my ADHD

  • I found that exercise produce the same effect as drinking coffee, especially after waking up that I won't have had a coffee yet.

    I also stop doing an alternate day fasting(fasting all day and eating all day in another day), because it didn't help with me focusing(didn't increase dopamine) and eating too much in one day may cause me metabolic disease in the long term.

• This is the third day that I can read book with full focus after having a coffee in the morning.

  • However, I also fasting which comply me having a meal within 2 hours today with also drop my reading performance a little bit.

Sep 17th

• After discussion with myself about an alternate day fasting that requires consuming a lot of food in a feeding day may not be good for health, I will change my fasting method to be Time restricted fasting and follow the 8 precepts of Buddhism which eat food only in the morning, and not taking food after the noon of that day until the next day.
  • I'll combine it with one cup of coffee again.
• This is the second day that I drink coffee(just a cup a day) my reading is good(it is the new record that my reading performance haven't dropped for 2 days). I hope my reading will be like this every day.
• I don't know how fast the world is moving, but if I don't do anything to just improve myself such as reading books, I am sure that I am falling behind.
  • but it is hard to just reading, because of my attention deficit(ADHD) by lacking of dopamine, I have to use a cup of coffee (which has an effect in brain stimulant to release dopamine) to be able to focus
• Just a coffee a day make me burn my day time productively.

Sep 15th

• Today  I tried drinking coffee again. It helps improve my focusing and then my reading so much, I can read really a lot today.
  • The feeling that time passed so fast in every day with no productivity outcome has gone when I drink coffee just 1-2 cups a day in the morning and afternoon.
  • I can read and do my work even though I read under flickering light which make my eye uncomfortable but I still can read anyway.

Sep 14th

• I tried removing antimatte film on the Kindle scribe again and found that it make reading easier and more faster.
  • it is not about frontlight as my assumption yesterday. It has no pwm dimming but the anti matter film make it is harder to read. 

Sep 13rd

• reading under non-flickering light is a real deal
  • In the morning I tried reading under the flickering light environment it didn't go well at all, I tried so hard to focus on reading even on the lonely place.
  • But in the evening, I've changed the place to read under the non-flickering light. I found that my eyes could easily focus and the reading went very well.
• the book for self development from @jvsholz(youtube channel)
  • Atomic habit
  • Deep work
  • can't hurt me
• I think my Kindle scribe may have some kind of light flickering because I just can't read on it much long when the front light is on. I need to investigate it in some ways. 
  • my non-pwm backlight Tablet is always comfortable to read even when I feel tried from reading on Kindle scribe?!

Sep 12nd

• I think Alternate day fasting has some flaw which is eating too much refined carb because of its much more availability than complex carb(carb with fiber).
• I found that My MacBook pro 2021 that has pwm dimming, when using it for extended periods, is more uncomfortable for my eye(eye strain) than normal laptop that don't use pwm dimming.

Sep 10th

• I think staying up late has a lot of effect in decreasing my productivity https://www.health.com/condition/sleep/health-risks-night-owl 
• I notice that this guy, unlike so many YouTubers, his productivity technique is very simple but rather effective than the others, no need to buy any of the latest pricey high tech devices! (many Youtubers always produce 'which one to buy' content, but nothing really productive from those new devices)

Sep 7th

• I found that my productivity decrease more and more with weight loss(from 50 to 48.8kg). There are 2 suspected causes.
  • Weight loss too much, I may have to stop fasting until my weight gain to normal.
  • Or may it be caused by eating too much in feeding day?(6 meals in one day) because after the feeding day which is fasting day I usually can't focus well, but after fasting day which is feeding day my focus will come back.
  • The experiments
    1. Try eating 6 meals continuously for 2 days?
    2. Try changing to time restricted fasting for 2 days?
  • Other compounding factors
    • Light flickering of display screen(my macbook pro) and the environment(the university library)
      • when I write or doing work on normal laptop that doesn't have flickering display screen(pwm dimming) I can do it comfortably all day but when I do it on my macbook pro which have pwm dimming I usually just be able to work in the morning to afternoon but at the evening I will can't work at all.
      • Also I feel that my language skill don't improve much even I read a lot on macbook pro screen. I suspected that and tried compare reading on my macbook and my another laptop side by side and found that reading and working on a cheaper laptop(without pwm dimming) is so much comfortable.
  • Even at the time I write this diary, I use my cheaper non-pwm dimming laptop and found it is so much comfortable even it has so much less screen quality and resolution(pixel density).

Sep 6th

• Today is my fasting day, I did HIIT in the morning
  • I found that my reading is worse, I suppose it may be caused by eating junk food in the evening.
• Don't eat any junk food, it will kill you.
• I am still considering buying a tablet, the CPU performance is so good with a good screen and the perfect pen and keyboard, and with the budget prices, it is so worth the money. It will work fine for a very long time passes. 
  • however, I am not sure whether it is what I want.
    • I am thinking about a device that provides me with the ability to read textbooks, news, and trade all day.
    • the most I want is to read textbooks more easily from a larger text.
  • Benefit vs cost
    • just reading some text?
    • cost equal to my 3 months of spending.
  • it may be good but not this time!!! I don't really need it!!! it doesn't help improve my life this time.
    1. I am not sure that I will be able to read it all day. (but I have to make sure that I save as much money as I can)
    2. The screen quality is not much different from other displays esp. MacBook Pro
    3. the books I read at this time don't require reading on a tablet than simply reading on a MacBook or Kindle Scribe. (The Academic textbooks will be read after I can make money from trading, at that time I can buy any tablet I want)
• Drop in reading performance from an eye muscle problem, not caused by a small or large text or light flickering
  • I found that if I place the Kindle at a further length I can read it better.
    • which means that reading on screen is still not better than e-ink
  • I found that after I changed the front light of my Kindle to be more blue, my reading performance deteriorated, but after changing it back to more yellow as before, I can read it again.

Sep 5th

• I should track only activities that I am interested in a particular time, not all activities. Keep it simple as possible and use it only for particular purposes eg. reminding of looping activities, not just wasting time in tracking all things without any benefit
• Today 
  • my feeding day
  • reading is so much better after fasting for 36 hours.
  • weight loss(49.1kgs)
• In the afternoon, I usually drop in reading performance, maybe the eye muscle problem is remaining.
  • I also found that if the text size is larger I will be able to read better, even though it is evening.
  • 
    • or is it not a problem from eye muscles but from the fatigue of eye lens muscles which is caused by the flickering of light?
      • because the font in Kindle Scribe is large enough(3mm), normal eyes should always read comfortably, but this may caused by the light from the environment.

Sep 4th

• Today is my fasting day. no exercise because of weight loss(2lbs)
  • my touch typing is gradually better
  • at these times, I sleep quite late every day.
  • I think I will try reading on screen today.
  • it seems like I can't eat any dairy products. After eating yogurt for a few days, I got a little diarrhea, more acne, more facial rash with a flare-up of seborrheic dermatitis.
• Wanting to buy a new tablet is it worth?
  • the cost is equal to the costs of my 3 months
  • the benefit of this tablet is reading which can be achieved on my Kindle, just little convenient in scrolling, note taking and doing other thing eg. trading.
    • it is 3:2 ratio which is good for reading
    • the next question is does it make me read faster or more focus because of better contrast of display?
  • the usage is between kindle and MacBook.
    • if I normally use both, the third may not much necessary.
• Gaming ruins my meditation and focus
  • Increasing free access to entertainment injects my brain with instant artificial dopamine which causes me to focus less on myself and also my reading which causes less productivity.
• Sodium loss from diarrhea
  • I just found that eating dairy products(yogurt) cause diarrhea, and diarrhea causes my body to lose sodium, sodium loss cause me can't focus in the day.

Sep 3th

• I think my life is not very effective, there are some activities that is quite not effectively productive
  • such as too much tracking of activities in my schedule which require some portion of time spent but do not improve much outcome. Also, the tracking must have a reflection or feedback system to improve something in those inefficient daily routines.
  • writing a diary has the nature of a feedback mechanism in itself but not very systematically. Conversely, tracking in schedule is more systematic but spends more time and doesn't provide many effective feedback mechanisms.
  • it must be simple, not too much tiny details, not complex, not boring but simply useful.

Sep 1th

• Today is my feeding day.
  • my touch typing is slower but it comes with a new skill which is typing in words, not pressing each key separately
  • I forgot to do meditation again, even though it is the most important thing in my day.
• If you want to develop any skill, do it in a meditated state eg. Calculation, language, Programming etc.
• Reading and doing short notes simultaneously help a lot in understanding and longer remembering because it will urge the brain to actively process and structure the information which creates a lot deeper understanding and remembering.
• I tried meditation before working and studying, the focus is so much better, and less procrastination.
• Now I am thinking about buying something that will be useful for my life eg. a new smartphone or tablet, but I found that all things that I have(MacBook, Kindle Scribe, smartphone) can do all the job perfectly, buying more will be a burden instead.
  • If I spend money on worthless things, even though I don't have much savings, it means I still can't manage money.
  • What I should do is decrease my need by doing meditation.