Daily Nov 24

Nov 20th

• I think I have to do the meditation while I am still fasting, before any breakfast, because while I am still staying in the prolonged fasting, the BDNF in my brain is high which is good for practicing new thing. But after eating, BDNF may decrease and cause less effective improvement or even worse to my meditation.
• Why when I read programming, I can get through the content so fast with a lot of focus and full of fascinated and motivated feeling. I feel like it is so fun and such a classic.
  • But when I read dentistry, I have to try so hard to be able to focus continuously, no any motivation.
• Today, I stay home and my reading productivity get struggled again. However, I thought back to yesterday that I also struggle at reading though I went out side.
  • Does that mean my eye muscle problem occurred again?

Nov 19th

• Yesterday, I didn't go outside but stay in my room which end up as didn't read anything. Thus, in stead of procrastination, I spent time tidy my room and rearrange my working desks for future productivity and the result is great!
• In these day, I found that my medication is worse. It has been occurred since I had soy protein in the morning or I didn't open the fan while doing meditation which made me sit uncomfortably.

Nov 18th

• good videos
  • ADHD vision https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eq2qtpU1Ox4 
  • Nofab and brain https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LjNUabIJOk 

Nov 17th

• I will still continue reading dentistry because it is a precious thing and to diversify risk, not because of pressure from my bullying toxic mother
• I think I am just an idiot that try a lot to be smarter. It may improve a little bit but the main function hasn't changed much. It is great that I improved myself, but I have to realized that the core improvement might have a limitation and need long time to improve. Even though I can read unlimitedly, the brain power to process the knowledge may need time to improve.

Nov 16th

• My mother said that I would never be success from any financial investment eternally.
  • Is her eternal forecast the truth?
    • Not at all, the truth is that I was psycologically bullied by her which cause me to doubt myself and decide incorrectly, though my first plan was definitely correct.
    • She never want to know what I have done, how many book I read, how I study or etc. She just wanted me to live all my life as she planned me to have which is doing a labor well paid job, no chance to go outside or study any others. She just wanted my life to be fail in the way she don't want.
    • She just like an elder who stay at home and doesn't know herself that she has been already outdated, declined, and aging. 
    • I shouldn't trust her at all. Trusting her or any other people than Textbook or reuters is my own stupidity.
• Is my frusturated feeling caused by eating too much yesterday?

Nov 15th

• My reading progress so much when I read under non-flickering/natural light.

Nov 14th

• exercise stimulate neuron growth
  • https://neurosciencenews.com/exercise-neuron-growth-28021/
• My english listening skill improve a little bit. Yesterday, I do HIIT with all day fasting.
• Today, I eat only one meal because of I nearly have no money left. I think eat restriction also have benefit in more clear mind, more self focus, less distraction, and be truely yourself(hear yourself more).

Nov 13rd

• I found that my bad mindset(angry to the world) come from my toxic mother, she never support me, but just want the immediate result to fullfill herself  without wanting to understand my real problem.

  • I think I have to pretend to be a loser in front of my mom, esp. when she peck me. Also, just flatter her with by go her think, her opinion until she die.

• I found that in the week that I do hiit run more frequent I will trade better, not the week that I do only fasting. But if I combine both exercise and fasting, it will be the best.

• Reading dentistry textbooks give me a lot of valuable knowledge and technique, this is why my toxic previous work place didn't want me to do this.

  • I also tried a lot to be better, but no one appreciate me and always blame me for the faults. Instead, from my view, they do a lot of wrong thing that they even didn't realize.

• I found that reading medical book contain a lot of detail which I can't remember it. I can remember only the concept

  • Active recall and space repetition will help

• Avoid from distraction

Nov 12nd

• Is money really my goal? or it is my mom or any other people goal's
• I found that reading on screen in dark mode make me able to read all day without eye fatigue which is great.

Nov 11st

• I found that reading on screen in dark mode produce much less fatigue on my eyes. 
• I quite worry for my financial stability, my fund is left around 3-5 months. If I can't generate some cashflow by working, or even trading, I will surely have a huge problem. 
  • However, trading is such a long term possibility game. It is not suitable for immediate cashflow generating. 
  • what I should do next?
    • Read the dentistry textbooks and seriously go back to work as a old noob within a next few months
    • Try finding new job that may be more easy to me such as the waiter, cashier, etc.
    • Go out as a beggar or homeless.
• I found that my annoyed mood didn't occur after I decreased my meal times(from 6 to 4) in a day.(I used to do alternate day fasting with 6 meal in feeding day which is too much and cause my body inflamed instead of making it better.)
  • 4 meals for 2 days(with push up and sit up exercise separately in each day) and then fasting for 1 day(with HIIT run on fasting).

Nov 10th

• After I've come back to read some dental textbooks, I think it is quite fun and quite enjoy it.
  • It may be because of my better eye sight(eye muscle condition), after doing vision therapy
  • now I feel like I can do anything from programming, trading, investing, health
• In monkolla suta(มงคล 38), that firstly said about don't associated with bad people. The meaning could refer to toxic, bully, or even people who believe in fallacy things. It can be even your parents, family member, friend, etc.
  • Even they used to do good things for you. Eventually, they can make you deeply desperate and ruin your life.

Nov 9th

• I have determined, my life must be better than those low intelligence people in very easy ways. I will create it by myself and my self-improvement. I will not be the subject or puppet of those stupid people any more. I will live my very true high intelligence life.

Nov 8th

• Yesterday I had 6 meal. I found that eating too much in one day make my body health worse which results in bad mood on the fasting day
  • I am sure that the bad mood didn't come from HIIT exercise because I didn't do it today.
  • if it comes from eating too much in one day, it might mean that eating much cause inflammation to the body and result in micro injury which causes sick-liked feeling, bad mood and be annoyed easily.
• If an anti-inflammation is the first priority, I probably should eat 4 meals a day(within 6 hours period) for 2 day then fasting all day for one day.
  • and I will alternate the exercise methods between one day push up with sit up, and one day HIIT running.

Nov 7th

• After i loosened the ear piece of my eye glasses which cause the lens farther from my eye(lower the lense diopter), my reading ability came back. I am so glad with this. My eye still require the lens to be at the farther length
  • Now, I can read while I am walking which is a good sign of coming back of my reading ability.

Nov 6th

•  I do all day fasting today, but having 6 meals for 14 hour eating periods yesterday didn't increase my exercising performance, but it prones to eating late night which cause poorer sleep and worse health.
  • I think the better method is to just eat within 12 hrs(usually 5 meals+ whey soy protein) and don't eat late night esp. avoid eating 2 hours before the sleep time.
• I have tried no fap for a week. The result is so fantastic, I can focus so much better on my work and study. The surrounding environment has less effect on me esp. the opposite gender. The following are the techniques.
  • Don't consume the media such as videos or movies that has content about sex and especially porn videos
  • Don't touch the genital area even though while there is a libido
  • Don't do a masterbation
  • Commit the eight precepts of buddism(ศีล 8) at least every other day. 
• It is such a pity that I just live by staring at the chart price, but many great people live a life making great thing, even though they met obstacles, they use the knowledge to pass through them, not finding the shortcut to get easy money.
  • Are they successful because of luck? not at all, they do it by themself, they chose to fight with the problems in their life.
  • They chose to fight with the problem and not looking for the easy shortcut(like spending time monitoring the chart).
    • They don't spending time watching the chart and pretending it is their work but do real work for their own company that contain their own stocks.
  • easy money will result in paying with your entire life time and your dream.
  • You can never do the great thing to the world just by staring at the chart for the entire life. It may have some benefits but if you comparing the benefit that it produce to this world such as innvations, etc. with the time it waste, it is very small and not worth to do at all!!!
  • This failure in my life is one example of not doing well studying or researching before jumping into it. 
  • But I still keep studying everything I will be not closed my mind.
• Today, I tried adjust my glasses to be farther from my eye, I found that make me reading so much better(I have met an issue with my reading again since I adjusted my glasses to be nearer to my eye)
  • The problem may be caused by the flickering light because after I've changed to read under natural light, though it is not the well control environment, my reading is better esp. than under the well control but with flickering light environment.

Nov 5th

• I think my english is gradually improving very well after I have been practicing of using it by writing for a while.

Nov 4th

• I think I should quit trading because it is not the productive job that can improve life or thought over the time passed. My life is more valuable than this.
  • I will do it as my side job in case that it doesn't have any effect on my life or my main job.
• I have some doubt about my mom
  • she wants me to go back in my well paid job
  • she knows that I was bullied by the toxic working environment and colleagues before I chose to resign.
  • I said that I still have a chance to go back to work that well paid job because the failure is not my fault but need some times for preparation because this work cause a lot impact to people life esp. if the worker is careless or don't have well knowledge.
  • she still often blame me on my loser life and doesn't support me(though she can do it easily) the time or the emotion I need
  • she said that it is okay if I go to work as the lower paid waiter in some fast food shops to be able to give her some little money
  • Such a pity! Maybe my mom is also a toxic person.
  • However, she still support me in a few things such as food and place.
• Today, I found that in the running with HIIT, the technique is to run like there is a tiger or a monster chasing you. It produces a lot of huge breath, faster entering ketosis(burn fat) and my meditation is so much better(focus and calm).
• This is good https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eq2qtpU1Ox4 it tells about the ways to manage ADHD

Nov 3rd

• I think I shouldn't blame the other people(those toxic colleagues) for my failure of my previous career path. Because it is not hard for me to come back distinguishly by just reading those good textbooks.
  • Now it is my problem(not to blame the past) that will I read them or not, ortherwise read the other subjects.
  • However, my trading is currently win for 10 day streaks(2 weeks) continuously, it is an early sign of success from hard working and studying of all year.
• And also my failure is the good time to prove which one is the true friends.
  • People who never ask for your problem, but only judge you from their view is certainly not your friend.
• I found that reading from the display screen make me read less than reading from real paper material or an e-reader.
  • or may be it is because I didn't read the thing that I like. What I should do is to...
    • compare reading between on paper(or e-reader) and on screen
    • compare reading on screen but different subject
    • or maybe it is because I just adjust my glasses position that requires some additional times for adaptation.